Infidelity Statistics

-22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.

-14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.

-Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.

-70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity. 

-5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in the 1997.

-22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.

-90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong. 

-50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man", according to a Time-CNN poll. 

-61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion. 

-17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity. 

-One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet, according to an online survey of 38,000 Internet users. MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper 

-Results show that internet users devote three hours each week to online sexual exploits. Twenty-five percent have felt that they lost control of their Internet sexual exploits at least once or that the activity caused problems in their lives. MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper 

-Up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Researchers think the vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple "special friends”. Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com 

-Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery. DivorceMag 

-80% think it's Ok to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks it's ok to visit an adult site. 

-About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage "Monogamy Myth", Therapist Peggy Vaugn 

-About 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their marriages, according to a Dec. 21, 1998 report in USA Today on a national study by the University of California, San Francisco.

Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of "After the Affair," as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.

A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee. 

-Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a revenue of $1 billion dollars each year. (Harding Institute)

-One-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs

-Approximately 70% of time on-line is spent in chat rooms or sending e-mail; of these interactions, the vast majority are romantic in nature. (Dr. Michael Adamse, PhD.)

-Because of the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of Internet sexual resources, the computer can accelerate the transition from "at risk" to "addicted," as well as the progression of sex addiction in those with a history of prior sexual compulsivity.

-8-10 percent of Internet users become hooked on cybersex. (Dr. Bob Lanier, askbob.com)

Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," said lawyer J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which conducted the study.

-57% of people have used the Internet to flirt. 

-38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversation 

-50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online. 

Evidence proves there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and subsequent real-time sexual affairs. 

Evidence supports the existence of disinhibition, accelerated intimacy, and hyper-sexual online behavior that can easily lead to real-time infidelity 

-31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex. 

-It is estimated that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their lifetime. 

Look at the numbers from a recent issue of Playboy Magazine:

-2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-workers. 

-86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex. 

-75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with. 

-The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they cheat. 

Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. The first clue is seldom obvious. Typically, it's a "feeling" that something is different. 

It is estimated that 750,000 children have been aggressively pursued for sex on the Internet, 1 out 5 of these children were solicited for sex and 1 out of 4 children were sent pictures of people naked or having sex. 

There are recurring press reports of pedophiles using chat rooms to lure children into physical meetings. According to a recent national newspaper report, chat rooms are the most popular activity for children online, yet most chat rooms are unsupervised. Many are private, accessible only by invitation and special passwords (which may be provided to children by e-mail or instant-type messages to the screen of a targeted child). 

Police investigators report that when they identify themselves as teenaged girls in chat rooms they are frequently approached by strangers making sexual advances. In addition, pedophiles have created a community online, where they can validate their behavior with other like-minded individuals and share information and tricks of the trade. 

Cheating spouse statistics confirm that 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs. 

"The various researchers arrive at a general consensus…suggesting that above one-quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than married women—perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty." 

According to Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Partners," first published in 1987 by Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine. "Most experts do consider the 'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45 to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a relatively sound and reasonable one." 

According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," first published in 1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003). 

Conservative infedelity statistics estimate that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives." 

Note that the above adultry statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%.

HOW THEY OPERATE

The most common types of infidelity involve a spouse who is seeing a single person. The next most common type tends to be two married people who engage in an affair. These people usually live in the same area and very often work together or have some work connection (supplier, vendor, contractor, etc.) They often have some reason to communicate that is not related to the affair and can act as some type of cover.

Although every situation is different, the most common times and places that they get together for sex is during the work day. They will meet in the morning, perhaps an hour or two before work or leave work early to do something at a client, etc. and meet. If one person is single, then his or her place is the most obvious meeting place. If they are two married people, the hotel / motel is the next most obvious place to go. Frequently they will have another person or project that can be a cover story, like a sports league, extra work assignment, project with a friend, etc. that will allow them to get away from you and be out for a few hours in the evening or on the weekend. Travel can also be an opportunity for the cheaters to meet up. A work conference, trade show, training that takes him or her away allows an excellent opportunity to hook up.

They use cash from the ATM machine when they need money to forward the affair. They change their grooming habits and take extra time getting ready before they meet. They have “cell phone problems” when you try and call. They hide behind the excuse that “you are crazy” when you ask about what they are up to. Most will deny everything until confronted with proof of the affair.

An unfaithful spouse will often be caught daydreaming. They buy new clothes, lose weight, go tanning, get a new hairstyle, groom more, lose sexual interest at home, suddenly stop complaining about things in your relationship that once bothered them, act more confident, develop new hobbies, friends, activities or projects that take them away from the house, etc. They also seem to have more energy and frequently, they will grow impatient on the weekends when at home. They seem to be anxious on the weekend and want the weekend to be over sooner. They will become guarded about their cell phone, maybe even get a new phone all together or a new e-mail. They will check e-mail or surf the web more often on the weekends and during the evenings. Although it sounds silly, they will even keep their car cleaner!

What Should You Look for in Marriage Problems Forums?

The first thing you should look for in a marriage problems forum is mediation. Ideally, you should use a forum that is moderated by professional counselors. If you cannot find one of these, you can check to see that the moderators routinely and objectively keep the forum posts and responses civil and polite. Then, you can look to see that the forum is somewhat in line with your views. You will want a good range of opinions, but you do not want to be so far from most of the users that they end up with only negative responses to give you. If you are a conservative Christian, for example, a nondenominational Christian forum would be a better fit than a room designed for atheists. You should look at the frequency of traffic as well because you do not want to be waiting days or even weeks to get assistance with a problem that is immediately affecting your life and relationship. The last consideration should be whether you need to register on the forum in order to post your opinions and comments. If you are required to register, this may be an indication that the website is serious about providing you with helpful information about marriage problems.

Marriage problems forums allow you to discuss any issue that you could be facing in your relationship with your spouse. These forums have some significant benefits, such as giving you alternative perspectives and letting you get immediate frustrations or other feelings off your chest. Even so, these forums have drawbacks as well, such as allowing individuals who are not trained counselors to give you guidance and advice on your marriage. Although forums will provide you with a wide range of views, it can be difficult to determine which piece of advice will be useful or result in a positive outcome for you and your relationship. Furthermore, people are not always completely objective in their responses, especially if they have been hurt in the past by their spouses. As a result, you need to be cautious when you are trying to find a helpful forum about marriage problems.

Most wives with cheating husbands suffer in silence or tolerate their husband's infidelity. They feel they have no other alternatives, or don't know what else to do.

You don't have to sit back and be a helpless victim or be swept along with tide. There are things you can do to make the best of a bad situation and minimize the damage infidelity can cause.

You can take steps to protect yourself emotionally, sexually, legally and financially. You can work quietly behind the scenes to offset many of the negative consequences that result from infidelity and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Take control of the situation. Regardless of whether you ultimately decide to stay with your husband or leave him, the guidelines below will help you gain the upper hand.

Make sure infidelity is the problem you're dealing with.  Problems like drug or alcohol addiction or gambling often masquerade as infidelity because of similar telltale signs. Don't speculate, investigate. 

Face reality.
Ignoring your husband's infidelity will not make it go away. It will only make things worse. He could become so attached to his mistress that it will be impossible to get your marriage back on track.

Speak up and take a stand. 
If you know he's cheating and say nothing about it, you're enabling his infidelity. Make it clear that you disapprove of what's going on and tell him you want it to stop. Not addressing his infidelity makes him think he has your silent approval or that you don't know what's going on.

Let him know you know.
Affairs thrive in secrecy. If you've identified numerous telltale signs and have solid proof of your husband's infidelity, decide when and how to tell him you know about his affair. Sometimes just knowing his infidelity has been exposed will be enough to make him stop.

Build a support team.
You need someone to confide in about your husband's infidelity. Don't try to get through this alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and have your best interests at heart.

Realistically evaluate your situation.
Consider your options. Is your marriage worth saving? Should you get a temporary separation? File for divorce? What is it in your (and your children's) best interest to do?

Seek counseling for yourself and for your marriage.
You have a better chance of saving your marriage if you get professional help. You'll be better equipped to deal with the trauma of infidelity if you seek individual counseling, as well.

Identify the underlying issues. 

Try to pinpoint the contributing factors to his infidelity - A life crisis? Major character flaws? Sexual addiction? Dissatisfaction with you or with the marriage? Or something else? Get to the root of the problem, if you can.

Protect yourself sexually. 

Your husband's infidelity can have life-threatening consequences for you. If he's cheating, your health is at risk. You're already a victim of infidelity. Don't become a victim of HIV/AIDS too.

Find out your legal rights. 

Consult an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law. Get a clear understanding of what you're legally entitled to (alimony, child support, division of marital assets) in the event of a divorce or separation.

Put your financial house in order. 

Get a realistic view of your current financial situation and make the necessary adjustments. Establish credit in your own name. Set up a separate checking or savings account. Start putting money aside for a rainy day.

Make sure you're equipped to earn a living. 

Many women remain in adulterous relationships because they're financially dependant on their husbands. If you need to, take college courses or start learning a trade to make yourself employable.

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. 

Accept the possibility that your marriage may end. Don't be caught off guard. Have an "Infidelity Game Plan" in place in case your husband decides to move out or ask for a divorce. Begin formulating your strategy now.

Break free of the bonds of infidelity.
Focus your energy and efforts on the positive things you can do to make the best of a bad situation. Empower yourself by acting on these suggestions and you'll gain the upper hand.